What is Java? Isn’t it coffee or something?

The Java(TM) is programming language which is a bit different from coffee java as you might have guessed. 

If you search for “Java” in Wikipedia.org, it’ll answer the following

Java is an island of Indonesia. At about 138,800 square kilometers, the island is comparable in size to England.

And if you click see Java (programming language), it’ll return

Java is a general-purpose computer programming language that is concurrent, class-based, object-oriented. It is intended to let application developers “write once, run anywhere” (WORA) meaning that compiled Java code can run on all platforms that support Java without the need for recompilation.

The first definition seems like it was written in English. It’s easy to understand. The second one seems like it was written by someone whose third or fourth language is English. It seems like it was written by someone who’s been a professional Java programmer for a while and has lost the sense of how new students find it hard to decipher the technical jargon.

But it’s still more readable than what’s in the official docs at least.  You probably skimmed through it  and are like “Okay.. so it’s a programming language and you can write it once and run it anywhere whatever that means.” And some words such as “concurrent” flew right over your head. 

If you have never programmed before. Or you just had some introductory QBasic and C shit. A lot of words in there don’t fucking make sense. 

What in the hell is a general-purpose programming language? Is it another way of saying that it’s a mainstream programming language and not for hipsters? 

What the hell is object oriented? Does it mean that Java is sexist and treats women as objects?

What is the actual hell is recompilation now? And this recompilation thing, is it that bad? Why is it bad? Maybe it’s good. Who the fuck knows?


Let’s define Java the way we’d like to

All those jargony words. They mean something in their own context. Those are some fancy features of the language which we don’t need to understand right now so fuck it. 

I’d say .. 

Java helps humans write instructions for machines such your laptop, mobile phone etc. so that we can make the machine do whatever the hell we want to. Like every other programming language in the observable universe.  

Sure, it has its own way of doing things with those fancy sounding words. And this “my way or the highway” attitude of Java can be a gift or a curse depending on the situation. It can be a gift because you don’t have to think much about things yourself. The language will dictate how you write and organize your code. It can be a curse when you feel like thinking outside of Java’s opinionated box. 


Enough Talk. How do I make this Java thingy make my computer do something for me? 

Well, we’ll look into that in the next post. Be patient. We’ll use and abuse this so-called programming language together to make our computers do shit for us. Until then chug some coffee and call Oracle service center and ask them if chugging a mug of coffee is the proper way to download Java. 




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