Learning to love the pain

Whoever has committed the time to mastering a musical tool understands the painstaking perseverance involved. Hours of reproduction and enduring the travails of creating calluses together with muscle coordination and semantic and sensory memory are all critical to excelling as a musician. In like manner, delaying gratification for the purpose of psychological transformation and healing is a lofty dream that needs tremendous vigilance and effort.

Actually , it was worth the battle, as I would not have achieved peace of mind and the quality of life I’ve now if I didn’t embark on that psycho-spiritual rite of passage. Nevertheless, I sincerely doubted the attainment of these rewards while I had been moving through it. Staying the route took what I had. Naturally, it was not a linear procedure. I periodically deviated from the’path’ and acted out across the way.

Eventually, I managed to recover myself and appear on the proverbial other hand. Together with resourcing and stability guaranteed, through a process known as complicated bereavement, survivors of complex injury are challenged to constructively reframe a history of systemic victimization so that the past could be mourned and parsed out from the present. Complicated bereavement assists with coming to terms with what is reparable and what is not so that life-affirming chances and aspirations can unfold.


Concomitant to my grief over my destiny was the excruciating pain of hating those accountable for damaging me. Hatred is a unbearable burden to carry and no doubt I had been unbearable to be about. A lot of people fell away. For obvious reasons, we favor pleasure and security over pain and risk. Yet life instructs us that the maximizing of pleasure and the retreat to security can impede recovery and actually engender additional injury.

Until you crashes physically and mentally, that is. Then it’s either back to square one, escaping in isolation with the preferred poison or a single hits bottom and the reality of this fatality of development kicks in. It’s here that one might recognize that quality of life, or simply surviving, depends on the courage to suffer. Hence, the agonizing withdrawal from materials or behavioral process addictions such as trauma bonds, porn, uncontrollable eating, or workaholism is an essential pre-requisite to stabilization.

Placing sobriety, lifestyle skills and self-care routines are basic steps towards ego strengthening and pipes the emotional depths in order to actualize life-affirming shift. Although critical to healing, moving beyond a cerebral understanding to emotionally approach a history of victimization is complicated and scary.

Some degree of decompensation is inescapable. Individuals willing to experience episodic periods of corrosion accept that this is a necessary burden to be able for deep-seated intra-psychic changes to happen. Obviously, enduring the consequences of grieving a life of concrete and abstract losses, must be safely monitored. Effective pacing and major demand obtaining the tools established in the initial stage of therapy.

Basic tools that facilitated safety and stabilization early on, are invaluable as deeper function is approached. The rate of integrating and processing traumatic material largely depends on the person’s constitution and the willingness to use supports and strategies that help with regulation and containment. I heeded the wisdom of the noble truths and eight fold path of Buddhism which imply that with consciousness comes suffering. Buddhist tenets additionally assert that if we are not conscious, we’ll unconsciously act from habit and fear.

However, if we attend to our intentions, we can notice if they spring from the body of fear or from our deliberate thoughtfulness and attention. Additionally, I turned to the attractiveness of art, nature, travel, literature, and music. This let me survive and transcend despair.

In the end, my need to understand the psychological illness I and my family endured propelled me to examine the human condition. Paradoxically, the immersion in chronic debilitating pain may make one immune. Due to a childhood steeped in chronic traumatic misuse, Ibecame impervious and numb to sundry types of wounding. No matter how righteous or innocent one could possibly be, that the cruelty of life comprises debilitating trials and tribulations.

Therefore, like all survivors of traumatic abuse, my spirit was acutely dimmed as a result of systemic victimization. I had to somehow come to terms with the simple fact that life simply tests us often is not’fair’ or inherent. Father of psychoanalysis Sigmund Freud suggests that this inclination is rooted in the pleasure principle.

He clarified that the region of the personality referred to as the identification , functions as the primitive human drive for immediate gratification that was satisfying. The identification works from main process thinking, meaning it’s fantastical and devoid of consequential reasoning.


Suffice it to state, resurrecting, identifying and working through concealed emotions was a grueling task. The contempt towards my wounded victimized self was profound. I thought the loneliness would ruin me. After all, hadn’t been hard enough already? Psycho-education and resourcing, a term that connotes returning the activated autonomic nervous system into a state of calm, are examples of valuable tools when navigating traumatic memories.

The addition of psychotropic medication, somatic experiencing techniques, also 12-step affirms to address co-existing addictive disorders might have to be incorporated in the treatment plan to cancel debilitating symptoms and effectively consolidate what needs to be mourned.


Much like our infantile longing for indulgent satisfaction, the need for self preservation and basic survival also compels us to prevent pain and deflect from fear. To consciously identify the bigger significance of my suffering and my recovery, I switched into my spirit’s devotion to truth and consciousness.

Over time this helped me to expand my outlook. While it saved me in complete emotional annihilation that would have led to psychosis, it prevented me by metabolizing my concealed rage and grief. In order to effectively process the traumas I carried I needed to be willing to reduce my dissociative defenses. With the aid of a trusted therapist, I cautiously navigated intrusive-repetitive psychological material through cathartic recall.

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