This is a rant post. A rather long rant post. I think I need to get it out of my system. Tomorrow, I might have a different opinion on whatever I’m talking about but this is my reality as of today.
I often cite research papers, quote others to let the world know that “Hey, this is not my opinion. I’m taking references from here and here and here.” I am not going to do it today because this post is all my opinion and I know that I myself am going to disagree with it tomorrow. But heyy!
Also, if while reading this, at any time, you feel like punching me, you are allowed to send me a virtual punch. A real one might hurt. Or you may choose to pity me or go out for a coffee with me. All of those are valid options.
Now, let’s explore the title of this post. Everything sucks. Life in general sucks and I’m mad tired of everything. I don’t know what the f*** I’m doing with it. I have no f****** clue where I am going from here. I have started to hate everything that I used to love. Did I even love those things? Maybe, I like them from a distance. It feels like I have no passion left for anything and everything is f****** boring. Like I would just eat and sleep and watch movies all day. Why life has to be complicated and shit? Why do I have to feel guilty about not doing shit?
I used to like writing when I was a kid. I wrote really shitty poems. And I loved it. I felt as though I was the next Mark Twain or Hemingway. Now, I know that they are not poets but you do get my point. Now, I feel everything I produce is utter garbage. My poems are so f****** uninspired, it feels like I write them just to write but then it’s been months I have not written one.
I feel like that kid who is hungry for attention. Look at me, look at me, look at this new shit that I wrote. You know how people say that they write for themselves. I say that bullshit too. But, would I even write if nobody was fucking reading it? Now, if I am writing for others, I might as well write catering them, right? And, there comes another bullshit that grinds my gears. Catering to bitches.
Now, I’m looking at what’s trending. Now, I’m on ‘Hemingway editor‘, ‘Grammarly’ or similar platforms doing sentiment analysis or something. Now, I am changing all my passive voices to active voices because that shit is not readable or something. You’re probably going to tell me that “No Abhishek, it’s not the active voice that makes a text readable but it’s a combination of both” or whatever. But, you do get the point. I’m catering to my friends that tell me that my writing is incomprehensible, unreadable and unnecessarily complex. I personally think that is not the case and they need to go back to school once again or I don’t know, google the words that I find pretty fucking rad and going to use anyways but then who the f*** else is going to read what I write?
Now writing, keeping all these rules in mind is f****** boring. Have you ever written a blog? “Your sentences are too long and you should try shortening them.” “Your writing has too many adverbs”. “You have made too much use of transition words”. “Your keyword density is too high or too low”. It is like I am a slave to a machine just so that my article gets indexed by Google so that people come and read them. It’s like I have sold out myself for the dollar and 80 cents that I earned last year. What the f*** man? A grind for nothing. Putting up a fight for pennies.
This wasn’t supposed to be only a rant about writing, though. It was about coding, music, dancing, anything that is considered creative. No.. wait, it’s supposed to be about life in general. You know, what the problem with life is? There are so many f****** options that you can explore and all of them will bore you to death at some point. Something that these productivity gurus call ‘a hump”.
Now, you are only left with surface-level knowledge of everything and are not really good at anything. And you are never sure what is that one thing (or what are those few things) which are worthy of the pain and frustrations they cause. The hours to be put in to master a craft. The combination of hard and smart work required. What is it that you really want to do? Which brings me back to my previous sentiment that I would rather eat sleep and watch movies.