“Why Everything You Know About ALPHA MALE traits Is A Lie”. Interesting claim, I know. I’ll try to make it worth your read and not just another click bait with no substance.
Mark Manson has a story in his article titled “Butchering the alpha male”. The story revolves around five characters Jack, Holly, Jay, Marissa, and Ben.
Jack is a 40 plus insurance executive that is married to Holly. His marriage to her is shit. He hates her and they barely have had sex in years. So, he conducts these long ass staff meetings and shows his authority and power to his staff to feel like a man.
Joe is a DJ. He’s fucked so many women. So many that his dick could fall off. Joe has a girlfriend, Marissa. She used to be a part-time model. She lets him fuck her whenever he wants to, although he doesn’t last very long. She also brags about him with her friends and is the first and last person in his set.
Ben is a construction worker. Although he only has a high school degree, he is charming to women. Women approach him and he casually dates them and is mostly indifferent about his relationships.
In the summer, Jack and Holly hire Ben’s crew to build a swimming pool for them. Holly comes to watch them work with an excuse that she’s watching over them. Now, you don’t need to be Sigmund Freud to know that she wants to be fucked. She barely had sex in years.
When Ben shags Holly, it’s to get approval by his male friends. Second time around, he can’t even get it hard. He just needs women to brag to his friends. That’s all to it for him.
Merissa is Jack’s secretary. She isn’t good at her job and loves Jack scolding her. She fantasizes that Jack would bend her over and punish her for fucking up those reports. She likes how he looks down at other men in the room. Men with houses and BMWs. And, although he’s older, months later, she’ll stay late in his office to be fucked by him in the office. He seems to have that fire in him.
Jay won’t know about Marissa cheating on her but if he finds out, he won’t actually care. Because all he cares about his high school love, Jane. He texts and calls Jane constantly but Jane is married to Steve. Steve is in the military, fighting the Iraq war. Steve is religious and had saved his virginity until marriage. Jane respects him so she won’t cheat on him. She misses his affection. Jay is only there until Steve is out in Iraq. When he returns Jane will stop talking to Jay.
So, the question is, out of all 4 men above who is the alpha? Are all of the 4 alphas? Are none of the 4 alphas?
Is it Jack because he’s fucking his younger secretary? But, he’s miserable. Plus, his wife is also cheating on him.
Is it Jay, the cool DJ with a super hot girlfriend and women flocking around him? But, his girlfriend is cheating on him and he is fixated on someone he can’t have.
Or is it Ben? He doesn’t pick girls, rather girls pick him but wait! all his cares about his male friends’ approval. Deep down inside, he might be gay and not even know it.
Or is it Steve? He’s loved one woman all his life who is faithful to him despite being pursued by another attractive man whom she once loved.
I know this shit is confusing as fuck but so is real life.
What does “alpha” even mean?
The term “alpha” comes from animal hierarchy such as one of wolves or apes. In apes, alpha exerts more power, fuck more female apes. In apes mostly, the alpha remains alpha until they are overthrown by a duel. Although to be noted, female apes actually don’t care. It’s the males who fight each other.
As this video by “Adam ruins everything” explains, even the scientist who popularized the term “alpha wolf” now thinks, the term is bullshit. When he tried to re-test his thesis, it turned out the dominant wolves were parents. So, does having a kid mean that you are an alpha?
The video suggests that non-aggressive chimps can also become a leader by constantly helping and grooming others. So, is my barber an alpha?
Humans are more complex
We are not chimps and wolves. We are much more complex. We don’t belong to one social group. As this Guardian article by Dean Burnett ( neuroscientist and an author ) points out:
People can belong to different hierarchies, for example; a guy who is the most vocal, dominant person in his amateur football team might be under the heel of an aggressive boss during his day job. Is he an alpha male, or not? It depends on context, obviously. Humans have many different social groups and varying roles within them because we’re more complex. A universal “alpha” seems unlikely.
Mark Manson uses the term “overcompensating dick”. Next time you see someone who claims to be an alpha make sure they’re not another “overcompensating dick”. Or, don’t be an “overcompensating dick”. As research shows that our friendliness, cooperative behavior, and social ability is what made us smarter than our animal ancestors.
We are imperfect creatures, so rather than trying to be manly or alpha or whatever. I think we are better served constantly trying to improve ourselves.